May 24th, 2025

So I'm graduating in 5 days... yesterday we did a senior parade around the school in our graduation gowns and caps. I had some fun, and biked 5 miles in total yesterday. I was so sweaty and tired when I got home. All my friends were excited, or sad and scared, but I'm not really worried. I'll finally have time to figure out myself, learn to drive, prepare for and apply for college, etc. Its just crazy that I used to think of graduation as this far-off thing. I really am someone totally new, I just don't feel as cool as my younger self thought I'd be lol. Anyways, this weekend I'm going to try to cut my own hair and maybe dye it in preparation for graduation. I wanna look swaggy. Also here is my cap design.



also just to clear something up, I am still a little attracted to other people but I think I mostly just wanted attention lol. I'm an attention whore. ALSO NOW I'M 18 :O YEAAAHHH

April 17th, 2025

This'll just be a waffle but I've been having some weird polyamorous thoughts lately. I love my boyfriend, we started dating at the end of my sophomore year so our 2nd anniversary is coming up. I would hate to jeopardize anything so I'm just venting it out to trusted people/places. I would love to experiment with other people, including some of my friends, and have it not be a big deal. Just like spending time with them under any other normal circumstance, I would love to kiss and be affectionate with my friends in a way that typically would be romantic. Sometimes I lament life in ancient societies, how free they were with their sexuality and relationships, careers, life purposes, etc. Nobody had to confine themselves to strict social rules and guidelines. I hate it yet I rely on them to understand the world too. Does that make sense? Its confining and comforting. Anyways, I had a friend to confide in earlier this morning about it and he feels the exact same way. I wouldn't ever cheat, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Maybe its just because I'm young and want to see everything and do everything I can while I can, y'know. Unless I'm prompted somehow, I figure I'll just keep it a secret. That won't stop me from drawing that idea and fantasizing about it and stuff. If it becomes a problem I'll let it go. It is just a thought I'm entertaining, after all.

April 15th, 2025

So its been a little while. The internship is over and I made some moolah. The virtual assistant position was shortlived, I was struggling so much with their crummy communication I asked to work an in-person job, so the last two months I've been working at my local thrift store. I didn't even know it existed till they told me a position was available.
It was pretty difficult at first, my supervisor was this 4'8 british lady who took any wind i could muster out of my sail lol. but in the last month, I barely had to interact with her at all. i had to keep the sales floor looking nice, bring products out onto the floor and into the right section, but what i loathed the most was being at the donation door accepting donations. i'm still a minor till may 3rd, so i "legally couldn't lift more than 50 pounds" but i could sort through anything from used lace thongs to exposed and unaccounted for knives and its totally fine. hmmm.
anyways, its done, i'm jazzed since i have so many more senior activities to do before i graduate at the end of may. i just went to a graduation celebration at a very popular theme park at night time which was great, i didn't have as much fun as i thought i would and only spent $4.69 the whole night on one drink since all the merch was tooootally tacky /neg. also i smuggled in my own food teehee. i sadly didn't get to go with any really close friends since they were either too poor or didn't care to go (it WAS $200 just to go) so i was with a group where i only knew two out of the four. my two friends i knew were nice enough, but one of the people i didnt was super annoying and the other wanted to sit down and take a break all the time.
the worst part of the night was when they wanted to go on a water ride and i didn't, so everyone handed me their stuff!!! like all their bottles and backpacks and bags!!! major buttholes!!! i was soooo mad. but then i got to pose with a milhouse from the simpsons statue and all was well. a surprisingly comforting presence. look at how at peace i am (wet, tired, and disappointed)

also almost forgot. my half-sister moved in from england a few days after my last blog. its actually been great! i was feeling a little forgotten when she first moved in and was comparing myself a lot but we actually have a ton in common. sisters by coincidence, friends by choice :). in case anyone was wondering, we share a mom and her dad is british so she lived in and around the uk, mostly scotland during most of my life. since its pretty bad economically for her over there she came to live with me and mom. i'm really glad to have her here and she's not just visiting.

January 17th, 2025

internship update. so i just was informed i'll be working as a virtual assistant? so like a little secretary? seems pretty cool, i'll be like a little secretary. i'll update to say how the job goes when i start working. ALSO ON WEDNESDAY THE 22ND ITS GONNA SNOW WHERE I LIVE!!! WE HAVEN'T GOTTEN SNOW IN 36 YEARS IM SO EXCITED!!!!


update:it didn't "snow" but it did lightly sprinkle some frosty little flakes from the sky, so thats good enough for me.

January 6th, 2025

Ok so theres this internship for students in my city I've been a part of before during their session last year in fall. a few months ago I applied at the same time I did last year this year for the fall session again, aaand it didn't work out. there were so many more people this year and i applied way too late. so I took the time to apply for the spring session in september so in January I'd have a good shot at landing it since i applied to early and i'm a 'returner'. I GOT THE JOB RAAAHHH. it made me super nervous cuz they said on the 5th when i went to the onboarding, "in the next two weeks we'll let you know!" and its been a month. i almost resigned myself to being broke till may when i turn 18. BUT IM GONNA HAVE A JOB FOR THE SPRING SEMESTER SCRAAAWWW can you tell i havent gotten a paycheck since early august :)

October 4th, 2024

i stim!! what of it?!?!?! >:OOOO lol jk but i'm autistic and stim at school. heres some of my favorite stims

  • rocking back and forth against the chair!!! #1!!!
  • rubbing my fingers on or picking at my plastic rings
  • adjusting my rings
  • checking the time (visual stim)
  • messing with my kandi bracelets
  • looking at (visual) or touching/messing with keychains/my school ID
  • looking at pinterest! (visual)
  • drawing :O also +++makes me feel productive
  • scraping my thumbs against mechanical pencil clips
  • adjusting the amount of pencil led poking out of mechanical pencils
  • listening to music (when i can, stupid phone policy -_-)
  • picking @ or biting my nails (bad habit but its been lifelong)
  • looking around at other people :p certified ppl watcher

September 22nd, 2024

fashion is one of my newest special interests. not only does it absorb my thoughts quite a bit but i'm realizing the link between my special interest and my other autistic traits. firstly, my style is becoming rather abundant in patterns, textures, and especially colors. i enjoy bracelets (especially pony bead bracelets) not only aesthetically but they allow me to visually stim by looking at the shine or the glitter in the beads or rings. i can check a watch if i'm wearing one, fix my rings or bracelets or necklace or keychains, and look at my outfit and think about if its giving off the maximum vibezzz. stickers also provide visual stimuli. sometimes my outfits can negatively affect me, like a shirt i adore and try to wear but the texture is off, or its tight/constricting. if i'm wearing a short skirt (my ruffled denim skirt i adore) and i sit down, the feeling of my skin against the seat is very bothersome. whenever i realize an outfit is not hitting the way i thought it was, i become less confident and the awareness of my outfit being tacky can damper a whole day. anyways just felt like talking about that.

August 15th, 2024

and so my senior year begins with a fart :p most of my classes require me to actually pay attention as opposed to last year where only 2/4 classes a day would require me to do too much. every day i had at least one class where i did little to nothing. but now since i should probably be uping my level of responsibility in school my classes are generally harder. thats fine, not like i didn't expect that. i'm still trying to figure out what to do in life... kinda nervous about that. i kinda wanna go to fashion school! but i'm not decided! and there's so much stress and competition there. i just want a creative job thats not gonna ruin my love of creativity. but also a computer related job? maybe in web design? i want to do something that relates to my special interests without draining me entirely. rn i'm just trying to grapple with that and "follow my dreams" buuut also "keep it realistic" if i plan on actually going to fashion skool i gotta work on my sewing skills on an actual sewing machine. i DO have one so that'll be cool to get into, i have some projects i wanna work on but its mostly just hemming. anywayz my school doesn't block spacehey anymore so thats LITERALLY THE BEST also PINTEREST so i can PROCRASTINATE in STYLE!!

August 3rd, 2024

summer break iz almost over... lets recap. ok so my summer job went alright. my supervisor was this older religious lady and honestly, didn't like her. she was lazy, drove recklessly, and liked to preach at us :/ whatevs though. i had a cool autistic bestie coworker who kept me sane. dawg have you ever met someone who liked something as obscure as you do?? THEY ALSO LIKED UTSU-P!!! never in my life have i met someone who liked something so obscure as the metal vocaloid i like. it was cray cray. we both have different stuff going on in our lives (they're 20 and in the working world, i'm 17 in high school) so we probs won't stay in contact much. but thats alright. they were chill asf and sold me a beefed up gaming laptop for $400!!! cool person. anyways, i worked harder this summer than i did last year at the same job, but since the internship bumped up the hourly pay to $15 from $12, i feel i earned it. now i just need to look for another job so i can justify spending my last paycheck. i don't wanna go back to the fall internship i was at last year and end up at the same crummy place i worked last year and made $12 to get beat up by dogs and clean up their dookie and scrub the facilities every saturday morning at 8am.... but money is money and i know how it works there at least. i hope they put me at a different location. i'd take just about anything other than the shelter lol. but we'll see in my next job related blog post. in unrelated stuff, i got covid from my mom's bf :/ i'm just now recovering from that lol. but i felt good enough today to move the furniture in my room around a bit (my bed 90 degrees, bedside table, desk and shelf) mop my floors and clean up after a week with my boyfriend camping at my house to take care of me.